Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sleepless Night

 When he went to bed, his wife asked him if he was okay.  he replied probably not. Then he began crying.  He felt like he was letting her down. 
He couldn't sleep with a bi-pap and cry at the same time so he went into the great room for a couple of hours and just thought about things.    
He didn't want to go through what would be entailed with a shorter bowel.  And he didn't want to go through months of wound therapy because his belly split like it did last time.  But, if she wanted him to he would. 
He decided that he would get a second opinion about what his daughter, the doctor, was said from the surgeon who nursed him back to health the last time and from the oncologist.
   He decided that he would not have any surgery or oblation.  No surgery was easy. He didn't want the side affects.  
He thought his small bowel was a breeder of neuro endocrine tumors (NETs).  The 3 lymph nodes that are now tumors if removed would only be replaced by more tumors.  And that eventually the NETs would go to his Liver, Lung or Brain and take him out.       
It had taken almost 10 years for the nodules in 2011 to cause problems if they were in fact the cause of his internal bleeding problem and not just some directiculum that decided to bleed.  He didn't think he'd get 10 years this time before they cause problems.  But he'd get some time and it will be high quality life like he was experiencing now, not short bowel diminished.

But, damn it, this is not the way he wanted for things to work out.  His wife needed him.  He felt horrible about deserting her.  
When they talked in the morning she said, "All I ever wanted was to marry a man who loved me totally for who I am.  And I got to do that."  

He cried!

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