Monday, April 22, 2013

Live With It

The decision to "live" with cancer sucked. 

There was a scene in The Vikings episode he watched today where a character did the "it's a good day to die" deal and then volunteered to be a human sacrifice. 

He struggled with how could possibly accept his fate cheerfully. He didn't know how only that he had to somehow.  Enoch and Elijah were the only two men who didn't die.  We all die.  The test is to die well.  He prayed that God will give him the strength. He didn't have it of himself. 

And if he was worried about his wife, the best gift he could give was to be the best husband any woman ever had for the "x" amount of time he had left.  
And who should he tell and when.  Surely not before he saw the oncologist again.  Maybe it would be best if he didn't say anything.  He didn't want people getting weird about it.  Maybe he'd wait to say something until there was a bigger problem than just waiting to see what happens with the tumors.  

Or should he tell anyone beyond his family and closest friends?  If he tells someone not in the inner circle, they'll say I'm sorry then they're stuck in an awkward situation.  So he or they say something about everyone dies and no one knows when they will.  But he's still standing there thinking about the fact he IS dying.  And, they're thinking, "yuck, what am I supposed to say to that?"

He lost 2 pounds last week and 3 the week before.  He wasn't  doing anything to account for the loss. He wondered if the C was eating him up.  Who knows it might beat dieting.

He was tired more that he wanted to admit.  

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